one month and a half

May 25th please do NOT hurry and come. I have a love-hate relationship with this day, this is the day that I will become brotherless for two years. Yes James is leaving to Singapore in a month and a half! Luckily he'll be home for a month before he leaves, but seriously that is no time at all.

I think we're tighter than most siblings, we're three years apart and I am so grateful for his example. Never once has he refused to help me with something, our personalities are ones that only we understand. We watch things that others would find to be so stupid, but we love it for some reason? He looks out for me, supports me, and loves me. He truly is an amazing person, we're alike in so many ways, and I'm starting to realize it more and more each day.

We share so many of the same likes and dislikes, when I was in Junior High some people hated how much I would talk about him, but he's my best friend who else could I talk about? They honestly told me, "so and so doesn't like you because of how much you talk about your brother." Seriously? Is it that big of an issue?

I would rather be around James than anyone else, I will cancel plans if I know he is coming home. I'm going to miss him more than anyone could ever know. Is it selfish to say that I'm not excited for him to leave? I haven't been able to get this off of my mind ever since he got his call, it just became so real. I will be losing him for two years. Imagine what losing the closest person to you would feel like, that's how I'm feeling right now.

First photobooth picture!

Last time he'll be at Echo for two years!

I love my brother so much, and I will miss him, but I know that he's going to serve the lord, and that he's been called to Singapore for a reason. He's going to tower over everyone there, and I know I need to share him with others. JB you're going to be an amazing missionary, and thank you for all you do for me. Love you.

Favorite picture ever! James and I at his grad:)

A secret fear

I'm really not one for opening up to people other than my best friends, so lately I've found it... difficult to describe what I'm feeling. I had a boyfriend in Junior High, and let's just say it ended badly. Ok I'll tell you what happened. He cheated on me, I know it was only grade 8 but I was really attached to him. We liked each other for a year and if you were to see us now together... well that would be a miracle considering we do not talk whatsoever.

Even though it may not appear this way, I really do have a hard time trusting guys. It takes a lot for me to really express my feelings because the last time I did, I was used and hurt. So needless to say the person I am writing this for is the exact opposite of that other so called "boyfriend".

I'm sixteen years old, and there is a lot I have yet to experience, we won't go into detail but I'm sure you can guess where this is going. Every girl dreams about walking hand in hand with some cute boy in school and him walking her to classes and carrying her books. That's not me, I'm so anti PDA I can barely hug in public. My dad loves it because if any guy comes onto to me fast or anything I put up a force field. I definitely am trying to get out of my comfort zone and am trying to give out trust a little easier. I'm obviously not looking for Mr. Right at the moment, but seriously that day isn't far away. Lucky for me there is such thing as a respectful guy, because I happen to know one!:)

I hope this wasn't too lovey dovey for some people, and it really didn't go into much detail, but I'm sorta glad I got it off my chest? All I know is that I really need to forget about what happened in my horrible J-high years and focus on what's happening now.

just an ordinary afternoon

Yes in case anyone was wondering I did change the name of my blog! I feel like this title suits me a lot more now and makes me feel like I can be more... open about everything.

I would just like to express everything I'm feeling right now to somebody, because my best friend is sick at home with a form of measles!

I LOVE:
photography, piano, friends, Jimmer, that tomorrow is a P.d. day, that one of my favorite things to do is sleep, pasta, dance central, letters,when James comes home, cruising in the mini, high school, lunch time;), hugs, smiling, laughing loudly, beating raymond in sports, love poems, the fact that basketball season has come to a close, and the feeling of spring in the air!

I HATE:
how far away Idaho is, how there's no service out there, awkward people, PDA, how I'm not sure what I'm doing this summer, homework, social 30...-2 haha, winter, pop, reactions for the MMR shot, mud, having no money, stop signs, being a giraffe, acne, not being able to go on facebook, people who are intentionally dumb, players, seafood, being so untanned, being out of shape, waking up in the morning, and long weekends...

This is LOVE

So I have a serious love for the band Jamestown Story, but unfortunately Frostwire hardly carries any of their songs! And I am too cheap to buy them off of Itunes, but I would just like to let you all know that their new album Find A Way is absolutely amazing!

Their songs Always seem to be able to cheer me up no matter what mood I am in. I could go on and on about how great they are but I thought I would just share a favorite song instead:)

the phone isn't the fire alarm

Dear readers, only those who have experienced this situation will appreciate what I am about to say:

Remember 
when she would run in circles around the table when she was excited?
 when one would run to the bathroom with the phone, and the other would grab her?
 when Mom would never let her stay in the house while we were at school?
 how she would always sleep underneath James' dresser drawers?
 how she could never jump on top of mom and dad's bed?
 how she was afraid of the lion from the cereal box off of Narnia?
 how she would always sit in the drivers seat when we left her in the vehicle?
how she thought the phone was a fire alarm?
when she would poop and we would quickly clean it up before mom got home?
how she would run from whitney when she would mention bath time?
how much she loved every single one of us?
how James called her "fat mod"?
when we would walk her, it was called a drag instead of a walk?
how fat she was for such a tiny animal?

Yes in case anyone was wondering I am talking about my dog, her name was Molly, she was a shelty dog, and only a family like ours could've loved her. She barked at the phone thinking it was a fire alarm; she was trained for the deaf. We loved her because she was different, she wasn't any regular dog, she hated going on walks, and hated dog food. Though she did play fetch, she was so fat she could barely run. She was so loyal and a few times we lost her, I had never been so devastated in my life.

I remember one time walking home from school I had just hit my head on a rake(never step on a rake, it hurts quite a bit) I was crying and she knew something was wrong, she ran right up to me and started jumping knowing that I was hurt. We always left her in the garage when we would go places and I will always remember the excitement on her little face as we would open the garage and she would run out always ecstatic to see us!

She was one of the only pets I have ever had, and may I say she was a great one. We had her for about seven years, she was apart of the family. She started to get seizures later on and would always run into things, unfortunately she was suffering and we had no choice but to put her down. Next to a human's death the day she died was one of the saddest days of my life.

I don't know what made me decide to write this; perhaps it's because my best friend just got a new dog. My family will occasionally bring Molly up and I have to admit, it sometimes brings us to tears. She was a segment of my life that I will never be able to have back, and never be able to forget.

pure joy

So many different things bring me joy:

• sleeping in
• playing basketball
• being with my family
• being at the lake
• taking pictures
• stalking people on facebook haha
• being with friends
• summer!

These are only a few of the things that bring me joy even if they are just brought up in a conversation. The one I want to focus on right now is summer! I always look forward to summer, there is so much going on. Last summer I worked at Subway in waterton with my best friend, and met some amazing people. And lucky for me I think I'll be going back again this summer!

Sure the smell of Subway makes me gag and the summer rushes get so intense I lose track of time, but there's just something about living on your own and doing whatever you want after you've finished work that is so endearing!

Bailey and I decided that this year we're not going to be lazy, we're going to try and do a hike at least once a week, will it happen? Who knows haha. Living in Waterton, you never knew what to expect. People were constantly coming over, at all times of the day. There was always something to do, like institute, or jumping in the lake, or even just starting a fire in a camp kitchen and having a good time.

I absolutely loved every second of working in waterton, and even though the working conditions were not ideal, being with people you love was. I cannot wait for summer, bring on the memories!:)